Synopsis

The Missouri River 340 is a lot of paddling in a little boat on a big river for a long, long time.

Advice

Heat: It can be hot during the day, but a nice wet towel around your neck can take care of that.

The River: Life reduces to river milemarkers, navigating between buoys and maximizing the time your paddle is in the water. Once the Osage River dumps in around Mokane (milemarker 126-ish) it’s like paddling on a new river, very majestic.

Night Travel and Lighting: If you plan to travel at night, $240 for a 60 LED spot light is well worth it. An informal benchmark for good lighting: It should light up a stop sign from 200 yards back. “If you’re going to spend money on good equipment, you won’t want to lose it at night because you went skimpy on adequate lighting.” –Brian Smith, fellow racer. Also at night use the sounds of water rushing around wing dikes and buoys as indicators of their location so you can avoid them.

Breaks: Take minimal breaks out of your kayak or canoe. Do as much in your kayak or canoe as possible: eating, stretching, taking pictures. Towards the end of the race, I wouldn’t get out of the kayak unless there was a barge.

Barges: They definitely have right of way. I had an encounter with a “stationary” barge that was actually pumping out big waves, even thought I thought it was docked. Also, this is not so painfully obvious: Barges are relatively quiet on the river. I can hear a train 10 miles away but not a barge less than one mile away. …and it’s not like I had rear-view mirrors so be sure to check behind you every so often.

Hands and Feet: Keep your hands and feet dry. The force of paddling goes to your hands and feet and if they are saturated the skin is tender, sensitive and prone to wear, tear and blisters. Lubricants like Hyropel® Sports Ointment cut down on the hand-to-paddle friction. By day three my grip was a little weak so I wrapped rags around my paddle to alleviate this. Your hands will probably be the first body part to limit your speed. Camping: In regards to camping, I was so tired by sundown that usually minimal sleeping arrangements were made. By night, my hands were pretty tense and not very agile anyway so do not plan on putting up an elaborate set-up. Plus, it’s better if your bed is not too comfortable or you won’t want to get up. I did not expect it to be so cold at night especially if you’re wet, but the emergency blanket works like a charm.

River Towns at sundown: There are many power boats and people out for recreation on Fridays and weekends. Understand that they all tend to convene at boat ramp areas at sunset, using up the rest of their gas and making lots of wakes. It’s best to assume that they do not know much about kayaking or what it takes to keep a kayak upright and never assume that the driver is aware of your presence. Once again, you are in a little bitty boat.

Traveling by yourself (especially if you’re young and female): Every situation is different, but here are the overall themes. There are good people along the river who will help you. Just in case, be prepared to receive no help. Public camping areas sometimes attract people late at night who are up to no good. This is not the most favorable situation for young females, however if you just shine your light on them they tend to go away. Sleep with a light and phone near you and know what river access you are at.

Midwest Thunderstorms: They tend to come from the west. If it is a storm front with substantial temperature or pressure differences compared to the current conditions, translate this as strong winds, more than likely not favorable for paddling in. Have a little radio to keep up with weather forecasts. They will let you know about storm fronts with strong winds. Also have a plan for shelter and know that your life jacket can be used as protection from hail. You can paddle in showers, no big deal.

Food: Try to coordinate with ground crews. I got sick of condensed carbs after a while. Apples are a good alternative…take a bite, put it in your life jacket pocket, paddle some more, take another bite…. Map: I 100% recommend getting a laminated copy of the river map on the Army Corps of Engineers Website.

My Experience

This race was the best self-inflicted, pain-threshold-conditioning retreat. It was physically and mentally challenging as well as enlightening. My funniest stories are of sleeping at public boat ramps and the people in river towns. Everyone had a canoe story and an asian carp story they wanted to tell me. A policeman at Mokane River Access woke me up at 2:30 a.m. making sure I was alright (see, good people). A husband and wife near Labadie offered me their private pavilion to sleep under as well as a cot, a blanket and cold water.

I did paddle the night of the thunderstorm but luckily I was with Brian Smith A.K.A. Mr. Wilderness. He knew exactly what we needed to do in the thunderstorm even though we were between stops. Once the wind picked up we were out of the river and he was assessing the shore for a good spot to pitch his tent: level ground, no poison ivy, no bug nests, no sharp rocks… He had his tent up in like 2.5 seconds. We stayed relatively dry and got back on the river after the storm. Before we got to Miami at 4:30 am, rain down poured on us…so much for staying dry. I completed most of the race without seeing another competitor or power boat. I did not mind being on my own. I became my own best friend out on the river.

By the end of the race I found that the best strategy is to have the last thing you do at night is get out of your kayak and first thing you do in the morning is get in your kayak.

It might be a stretch, but I still feel that the race was just as dangerous as my commute to work. Scott, Russ and everyone else coordinating the race do a great job of putting it together and taking all necessary precautions, all the while keeping the race a pure wilderness adventure. I strongly recommend it!