So my friend named Hogan buys a boat.
And all we want to do is go float.
But that's no way to train
when you have the 340 on the brain...
we'd actually have to pull the paddle out.

Our ground support, Danelle, is his wife.
She showed up at midnight to give us new life.
Little did she know
we had been paddling so slow
cuz we're too scared to paddle at night.

Our technology failed at the drop of a hat
pumps and lights and even the iPad.
It was all supposed to be so superior...
probably operator error...
Please don't tell Hogan I said that

We didn't let the fog get us down.
Paddled straight into it like clowns.
Everyone else slept on shore
as we passed them by we heard them snore
Man, I wish we'd stopped at the last town.

The trees lit up in the moonlight.
They danced like cartoons. What a sight!
The situation was surreal.
I cannot express how I feel.
But maybe like I got struck by a meteorite

There is no skin on my derrier.
I am blaming it on a guy named Kevin Appier.
He tried to pass us
but he wasn't the fastest
and now I am gonna hurt for a year.

How it started I am not sure.
He had a crazy i-de-er.
So many friends I have made
from the adventure he created
I guess I should thank Scott Mansker.

There once was a gal named Jo,
Her paddling was not known as slow.
She'd paddle all night,
with nary a fright,
even when fog commenced to blow.
Her partner's name was Hogan.
His skill was not just a token.
Together they splashed,
then decided to dash
for third place was a goal to be broken.
They finished with second place honors.
quite happy with both their endeavors.
Beers were had by all
as they toasted the fall
of the placing they chased at all hours.   

A man from central Missouri
Raced day one in too much of a hurry
A tendon he damaged
But press on he managed
Now about his arm he does worry

...My forearm makes a creaking sound when I move my thumb...

Let me tell you bout D Van Hoose.
His britches he did loose.
And undies don't float
overboard the 3 man peddleboat...
his team was on a nude cruise.

Yes, I do need some learning from Renee!!
I do hope she teaches!